BONNIE Ain't you ashamed? Tryin' to steal an old lady's automobile. CLYDE I been thinkin' about buyin' me one. BONNIE Bull. You ain't got money for dinner, let alone buy no car. CLYDE Now I got enough money for cokes, and since it don't look like you're gonna invite me inside-- BONNIE You'd steal the dining room table if I did. CLYDE Come to town with me, then. How'd that be? BONNIE Goin' to work anyway.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Bonnie Goes Shopping

Twelve years ago, Sex With A Cat blew Christchurch away with their aggressive guitars and offensive lyrics. Tireless touring and two albums later the band have broken through the American market with the single 'The Duck', released to coincide with the assassination of President Obama. They are now playing at places like Shea Stadium and Madison Square Garden and their appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show was watched by 45 million people worldwide. The critically acclaimed third album sold nine billion copies and attracted the attention of gospel singer, Marty Bang Boom, who bought the album in a Walmart during a roadtrip across the States. "The cover caught my eye while I was queuing for the john. I bought the bitch and listened to it incessantly during my two-week trip." Marty was arrested in Idaho after shooting actress, Niggerminge Princess Adrian, and twelve others. He claimed "the music made me do it" and was freed. Scholars searched the album and found many subliminal messages along with many non-subliminal ones which are actually worse. Gay rights activist Paulie Buddie Duncan-Malone claims the group to be anti-gay communist nigger music and covinced Walmart to discontinue the sale of the album while he clears his head. Pop art icon, Andy Warhol's estate have sued for the use of Andy's name in the song 'Give Us a Bum, Andy, Your Chest is Fine'. Bob Dylan is now using the song 'Doctor Doctor I Should Have Told You Earlier I Have AIDS and Five Cases of Tummy-Sore' to recruit members of his anti-gay militant church, Niggers and Yids for the Preservation of Pigs, which has sparked much controversy, many claiming Dylan wrote the song and happens to be The Devil Himself. Sex With a Cat PR man, Max Clit the Florist, dismissed all the hoo haa with his statement at a press conference this morning held in his bathroom. "Bullshit," he said. "Bull-fucking shit! Thankyou, Mr Jones." Sex With a Cat guitarist, Nancy, was found dead in his Kentucky home this evening, apparently stabbed by a French Jew by the name of Mad Marcel the Proust (a gay).

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