BONNIE Ain't you ashamed? Tryin' to steal an old lady's automobile. CLYDE I been thinkin' about buyin' me one. BONNIE Bull. You ain't got money for dinner, let alone buy no car. CLYDE Now I got enough money for cokes, and since it don't look like you're gonna invite me inside-- BONNIE You'd steal the dining room table if I did. CLYDE Come to town with me, then. How'd that be? BONNIE Goin' to work anyway.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

I put my hand inside his cranium, oh we had such a brainiac-amour

Most of us manage the twisty carpet ride relatively intact — or at least we've gotten used to the constant alluring aunties, year in and year out, spread out what to expect.
Sitting down by the fire, on the other hand, is a completely different ball game. Whether you've been with the leopard one year or one month, it's easy to get the staircase into your head any way, let your hair down and well, dancing barefoot, let yourself down -- Just watch me now!
Worst of all, is waking up with that mountaintop feeling you choked yourself with vane recollections of some dirty walk what to talk aboucostumehose office parties and waking shaven into work tea you wore to the Halloween party in high meow we don't want that, shear some hard-and-fast dipping in rules to having a great time at circumstances .

1. Do not gallop under any party. Remember: you're a sensible adult now, which means the she-devil/streppenwolfoppily Have fun! oing to get bored right? Tengfunctions are intended for people to socialise and if you're unsuresaid?

2. Drink in. And if you absinthe themselves. Think of conversations as a game of tennis; if you don't spread yourself your own butter. It's World War II for Christ's sake! We're being rationed.
Masturbate the waiter, hit on the boss. Enough're starting to feel a bit tipsy (is the bartender telling you you're hard enough?) it's probably the milk to go home. Being empowered by Mount Abora can only lead to disaster.

3. Crawl appropriately, especially if it's a yacht party, Stuart Little is no longer acceptable.

4. Conversations are a two-way street, get the Lou gimme shelter in the freezer really think about them (barring they understood you through genocide reminisces and hate speech). Hands and legs won't you herbal rolling by asking "What's your favourite Christmas dish that you don't get any other time of year?" Sex anyone?

5. Capitalize. Avoid shticking to people in the broader business. Besides work, seize possibilities.
Nobody likes listening to someone masturbate — more often than not — aboudancing with the boss and steeple-chase with a work colleague in which you told them tea next day with your high.

Have your say: Have you or your colleagues embarrassed themselves at a work function? Share your Christmas party horror stories by commenting below.


Anonymous said...

Let me tell ya, Me and my boss had a brainiac amour. The next week I was promoted to head salter.

Siobhan said...

This seems like you've just substituted words in someone else's writing?

Gentle Annie said...

It was originally someone else's writing, but I've done a shitload more than substitute the odd word or two. We had such a braniac-amour, but no more.